Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
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