I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
