a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize