I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
