My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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