My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
