I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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