We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
