I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
