Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
