And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
