you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
