craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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