I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
