Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize