The maid of honor just puked.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize