Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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