sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
