On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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