how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
