I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
