i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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