this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
