i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
