Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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