He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
