One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
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