Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
