I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize