why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
