a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
