very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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