Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize