I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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