you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
