im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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