well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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