drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize