in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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