even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
