Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
