omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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