is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
