apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
