Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
