ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
