No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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