i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
