Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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