we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
