this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
