Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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