I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Someone came in the potted fern
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
