I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
