When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Randomize
