Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
