i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
