God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
