just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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