We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
