hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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