There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
