"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
