remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
