Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
