She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
