Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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