I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
