put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
