whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
