I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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