The best revenge is premature balding
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
