you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
