She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize